So… the word’s out. This movie is not a critical darling. In fact, it’s not even really a fan darling. After the initial weekend’s record breaking money, it’s now dropping pretty quickly. However, I don’t need someone else’s approval to enjoy a movie. To wit, my opinion was formed without the taint of some dude who has more fun dashing the hopes and desires of fanboys. Here be SPOILERS. Enjoy!

Honestly, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice reminds me of tv’s Glee in a significant way. What, you’re still here? Oh, alright, let me explain. The important thing with Glee was the songs. Whatever they had to do to get the show to the exact songs they wanted, they did. They ignored plot, continuity, cannon, and character. They just jotted any words down that linked one scene to another as quickly as possible, then sang. Here, it’s similar with pictures instead of music. The issue is that, and after seeing several of his movies, it seems fair to say, Snyder’s movies always start in his head as single frame images. Granted, they seem to be really awesome looking moments in time that have to do with the story. The problem is that he isn’t great going from picture to picture with cohesive story telling. This creates a movie that has amazing previews because the images can be taken out of context to tease the potential movie goers into going. Once they’re there, though, folks find no movie between the cool images shrunk down for advertisement. Just a constant panic to get to the next neat picture.

To that end, there are several “updates” that Snyder applied to his film to facilitate his mind’s photo album. I easily grant such a license to a director with a vision. I mean, when Edgar Wright did Scott Pilgrim vs the World, there were tons of differences, yet it was true to the heart of the story and the concepts of the writer Bryan Lee O’Malley and both the comic and the movie proved to be epic and iconic. Iron Man certainly has differences, having to make up ground without Pym and Richards as scientists to back him up. Heath Ledger’s Joker used make-up instead of being bleached… etc. So let’s take a look at the updates:

• Alfred is an engineer, medic, mechanic, and mech pilot.
• Batman does Crossfit.
• Lex Corp is an evil Google.
• Lex Luthor is more erratic than classy and in control. HISHE actually compared him to the unholy offspring of Gene Hackman and Heath Ledger, which is as accurate as anything I can think of.
• Doomsday is the genetic combination of Zod and Lex.

Most of these are forgivable, yet there is a consistent theme. It’s (jazz hands!) modernized! Actually, the only one that was even a little okay when played out was Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. Sure, he was mostly erratic and crazy, but in the end, he played it like those choices were just being young and full of piss and vinegar, or maybe even a smoke screen to keep the heroes at bay. He even ended it on the classic dilemma “If God is all good, He can’t be all powerful. If God is all powerful, He can’t be all good” which is sooooo in my wheel house. Maybe one day I’ll return to that statement, but now is not the time.

Speaking of time, even given it’s 2hr 33min run time, it was too short. Not because I wanted more of what the movie was putting out, but because when one movie is trying to hold a Justice League: Origin Story, The Dark Knight Returns, AND Superman: Doomsday all in one, you need Lord of the Rings level time. Each story line is really amazing by itself and deserving of epic movie releases. Together, though, you would have in the ball park of 6 hours of movie. The consequence is that multiple times during the film my wife leaned over and said “Man, I wish I had read the comics. I feel so lost right now.” The bigger problem is that I had to respond “It wouldn’t have helped. Snyder’s making stuff up again.” For instance:

• Batman having a hate-on for Superman taking on a super villain and destroying half the city… wait,  that wasn’t why? It was because Superman is an alien? So… Snyder’s Bruce Wayne is a racist? Or whatever Latin for ET phobia is?
• Wonder Woman hanging around to collect a photograph Lex has of her during… WW1? Some Euro war? (She was dressed in full Wonder Woman armor, posing btw.  She seemed cool with it at the time)
• Batman’s and Superman’s moms having the same name is the foundation their friendship, despite the fact that they both, independently decided to dress up in a super suit to stop evil from running rampant.
• Whatever the deal was with Willy the Legless Kryptonian Battle Vet turned suicide bomber and how that linked to Batguilt.
• Batman uses guns and kills.
• Also, I want to know how Lois Lane knew that they needed that Kryptonite spear, then, when she finally got it after she and Superman almost drowned, she didn’t give it to anyone.

Man, look. I don’t need amazing dialogue or incredible depth of concept. I can enjoy fight scenes and explosions as much as the next dude. I enjoyed Pacific Rim. I rented G.I. Joe. I saw Transformers somewhere. Those movies knew what the audiences wanted and it gave it to them; robots and warriors in unlikely conflicts, trying to beat each other using giant mechs, Americans with big guns, Asians spinning shinning blades, and cities crumbling around them. They spent time there. “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” is the name of the movie and 8 minutes of the movie was actually Batman fighting Superman. That’s juu–st over 5% of the movie time. It would have been like if they had called Daredevil “Nelson and Murdock: Attorneys at Law” or if Princess Bride was called “My Name is Inigo Montoya” or Wizard of Oz… well, okay sometimes they do it and works. But why I showed up to BvS was to either watch an amazing brawl between the two biggest gods of the DC universe or at least some great story around that idea. What we got was a failed attempt at both. I got to see two halves that never connected to make a whole. Plus, I think the whole “Do you bleed?”, using a spear, cutting the cheek angle at the end was Snyder trying to reference the previous Synder directed, Miller written movie/comic “300”. And you know what? The more I think about that, the more sense it makes.

It wasn’t wholly awful, its just that the disappointment was more important than the positives. Really, there were several moments that were pretty awesome. Wonder Woman suiting up and fighting Doomsday was intense, powerful, and fun. Batman using a Kryptonite gas to power Superman down, but Supes slowly gaining it back throughout the fight created some cool scenes. Lex and Supes conversing on the rooftop near the end actually redeemed Lex for me. Batman’s final solo fight to save Mamma Kent was a great action sequence. You know, until the gun use and murder.

On that point, I have one final gripe with a silver lining. If you’ve poked around the site enough, you’ll find that the other writer of the site and I have an on-going, fully entrenched opinion on the topic of super heroes, especially Superman, and killing. One of my points has been that if he kills, he isn’t Superman, it’s just one of the rules. Most people know about Batman’s “No Guns, No Kills” rule, too. In Man of Steel, Superman kills. In BvS, Batman uses a gun and kills. I wonder if the Wonder Woman movie will have Princess Diana as a damsel in distress who must wait on a big, strong man to free her. Maybe Aquaman will move to Denver just to (jazz hands!) shake things up and challenge our perceptions as comic book fans! The silver lining is that Snyder has helped me score one point against Chris. Watching Batman pull that trigger and blow that dude up made Chris think he was no longer watching Batman at all, just a guy in a black suit. That’s just not what he does and to do it is to diminish the character. Not unlike making a vampire sparkle in the sun instead of burst into flames and die. Although Ben Affleck did a good job keeping the character at arms distance anyway. Did anybody watch it and see anything other than Ben Affleck? Did anyone see Bruce Wayne? Oh, look at that. I ended on a negative.