Foils of War

They say heroes are best defined by their villains. That’s something people say, right? At any rate, here are some of the perennial thorns in the Caped Persuaders’ collective side.

The Least Resistor: The Magneto to Caped Persuader C’s Professor X, the Least Resistor is a dear friend whose tendencies, sadly, have led him on the path of intellectual mischief. Powers include coaxing opponents into battle with irresistibly easy target arguments, distracting with rhetorical decoy flares, complete confidence in his beliefs even as he abandons them for expediency’s sake, and the uncanny ability to assimilate new information with absolute certainty as to its veracity so long as it reinforces his prejudices.

Alias: the mercurial menace.


The Strawman: No weaponized fear toxins here. Just wafer thin arguments that crumple under the slightest application of logic. Specializes in finding someone’s intellectual blind spots and burrowing in, giving the false sense that one’s indefensible positions are solid. If you think you’re safe from The Strawman, think again. That’s just what he wants you to think.


The Adult Hood–Bitter enemy to those who cross him, savior to those who begrudgingly welcome his assistance, whose apparent mission is to strengthen the resolve of would be do-gooders by throwing an endless barrage of moral and economic dilemmas at them. This antihero delights in blindsiding anyone with big boy pants, trapping them in his nefarious Responsiblity Gauntlets, the only means of escape from which being personal growth and further emotional maturation.


Jargonaut – Mercenary who specializes in big and rare words. He is often used as a guard or gate keeper to groups who consider themselves elite. He will work for who ever pays him, no matter how much or how little, bearing in mind that you get what you pay for. While he can lose in a toe-to-toe punch out, it is usually a better use of time to simply avoid him altogether.

Standard MO: Swings big and appears very impressive to those who watch. He opens with intimidation to see if he can keep from having to do any actual fighting. When engaged, his technique is often just a slow grind, throwing out whatever moves his employer has paid for over and over. If you find yourself in a slug out with him, it’s best to remember that even when you land a hit, it can often seem petty and small. In the end, just move around him when possible. If you find yourself answering every single swing, you’re either showing off or pulled too far in.